i haven't blogged in a long time.
had been really busy rushing in and out of tan tock seng hospital visitng my grandma who's currently still lying in the SICU.
well. i've got so much to say. so much to complain i don't know how to start.

to sum it all:

i hate those who refuse to give her a chance to live on.
(they want to so called end her misery by removing the tube which helps her to breathe cuz she's got a weak heart.)

i hate those who preached my grandma when she was lying on the bed in pain and still yet asked her repeatedly whether she wants baptism when she can't even speak cuz of the tube inserted through her mouth to her heart.

i hate those who think they are so wise at making decisions but in fact, they have no idea how dumb and ignorant they are.
she still wants to live. she shook her head when my uncle told her that if the tube is to be removed, she would be in danger.
she shook her head impying that she still wants to live on!
those DUMB people who insist on taking out the tube and not attaching another one through her neck to aid her breathe, i don't know what else to say.
HELLO. it's MURDER we're talking about here.
fuck.

i don't wish to hate any of them.

my sis told me that sheng lao bing si is all part of life and we gotta learn to accept it the way it is.
but. i just can't.
since we have to die one day, why be borne into this world still?
when one goes, he/she leaves behind tons of people who love him/her.
it's really traumatising and upsetting not only for the one who leaves but also, for those left behind.
had been thinking alot about life and death recently.
scares me at times.
and i've also learnt to treasure everyone around me even more.

soon. there are many people who are going to be heartbroken.