as usual, i had tuition early in the morning today.
wasn't expecting today to turn out oh-so-well.
after few weeks of anticipation and waiting, i know he's never gonna take the initiative.
and i would again, be described as being "inactive".
heh. this word just couldn't get out of my mind.
i got really upset during tuition today.
not because of any special incident.
i got angry and mad and irritated and frustrated all at the very same time.
why is he treating me like that?!
who does he think he is to treat me like that?
time ticked by super slowly and i was messaging ruilong, hoping to get myself away from the frustration.
all i had wanted was to get home asap.
i really can't stand being in the same place, sitting in a seat next to him and us not talking at all.
i hate it.
we seem like total strangers who have never met before.
he makes me feel so low, always.
i always try not to look in his direction.
but it's not working.
maybe i should really quit tuition.
then everything would be better?
but it would then be obvious that i'm trying to escape. again.

i'm already trying my super best to put everything behind me.
am i still not doing enough?
and why do i keep having flashbacks from the past?
it's kinda scary whenever i realised i actually missed those times.
and i would keep reminding myself that everything's over.
somebody help me.
get me out of this utter mess.