wonder what's wrong with me these days.
has work worn me out completely and rid me of my usual self?
i wasn't like that in the past.
i used to love everyone else around me and i'm thankful for having them with me.
but nowdays, i just can't bring myself to be "normal" again.
i'm thinking too much, maybe.
but i just can't help it.
maybe my period's coming that's why.
and thus i'm now experiencing the mood swings.
i do not feel like talking to anyone when i'm home but i'd be glad if a good friend calls me and starts chatting me up.
why do i suddenly feel unloved?
why am i having such negative thoughts about everything?
this is scaring me cuz i do not wish to be like that.
i wanna be like in the past, whereby i'm happy everyday.

met meifang just now and i was just so glad to be out with her.
though we didn't meet up for quite some time since both of us started our respective jobs, i could still feel the bond and relationship between us.
unlike my family and i.
i feel like i do not know anyone in my family at all.
:(
i do want to know them but i just can't bring myself to smile in front of them like i always did in the past.
i think it's me.
is this the first sign of depression.
heh.

anyways, back to my day with meifang.
we went to loyang point in search for the Chinese artist who's pretty good at drawing portraits as meifang's giving the drawing to her boyfriend as their anniversary gift.
while waiting for him to finish drawing, we updated each other on our recent doings.
it feels good to know what she has been up to all this while.
:)
and after that, we went to eat our long-awaited KFC.
hahahaha.
and we went to hit the shops which really did cheer me up quite a bit.
bought a new pair of peep-toe shoes, 3 CDs, 1 VCD and 1 DVD.
was shopping alone after that at 6+ as meifang left with dennis to celebrate their anniversary in the evening.
finished shopping at 7+ and i waited below aaron's block as he just booked out today.
normally, i'd die to go home after a long day outside.
but today was exceptional, i did not feel like heading for home at all.
therefore, i waited for aaron for one hour plus downstairs his block and made myself busy by reading.
i was dying to talk to him.
not cuz i've been missing him like hell when he's in army but more of ,e wanting to tell him what has been going through my life and why i'm feeling so weird and abnormal these days.
i broke down in tears while i was telling him how i feel unloved by everyone else and not being able to have someone to talk to was the worst part and all.
i felt much better after telling him everything but i still could not bring myself to be my usual self again.
i feel like i'm lost in a humongous maze and i need someone to pull me out of it, soon.
i like the old me very much.
one who doesn't get unhappy easily.
one who's always optimistic no matter what happens.
i seriously think there's something wrong with me.
i wanna go to a doctor.
heh.
i don't think it'd be easy for anyone to pull me out of it.
i'd need to help myself.