i have so much to say but i don't know where and how to start.
i called and talked to him last night.
i realised that i made him really tired and sick of everything.
this whole issue has been dragged for far too long... and i'm the main culprit behind it.
but, i've really been trying my best already.
and now, he's finally putting an end to all these miseries.
i know that such a thing will come sooner or later.
i just didn't expect it to come so soon.
he's saying all those mean stuffs to me just because he wants everything to come to an end asap.
he was really fed up at me.

i made him too upset.
i made him wait almost a year.
i made him lost hope in me.

i was the cause of everything and i don't deny it.
now that he's so determined and all to end this whole thing asap, i guess i should only accept it?
but why am i crying during Econs lesson secretly?
and why do i feel so "xing ku" whenever i see him in school today?
i feel so... argh. so useless.
why am i like time and again degrading myself?
since he's so "xiao sa", why can't i be the same?
why can't i just put down everything and forget about him?
why am i still concerned about him?
my godddd.