i haven't blogged in a long time.
had been really busy rushing in and out of tan tock seng hospital visitng my grandma who's currently still lying in the SICU.
well. i've got so much to say. so much to complain i don't know how to start.

to sum it all:

i hate those who refuse to give her a chance to live on.
(they want to so called end her misery by removing the tube which helps her to breathe cuz she's got a weak heart.)

i hate those who preached my grandma when she was lying on the bed in pain and still yet asked her repeatedly whether she wants baptism when she can't even speak cuz of the tube inserted through her mouth to her heart.

i hate those who think they are so wise at making decisions but in fact, they have no idea how dumb and ignorant they are.
she still wants to live. she shook her head when my uncle told her that if the tube is to be removed, she would be in danger.
she shook her head impying that she still wants to live on!
those DUMB people who insist on taking out the tube and not attaching another one through her neck to aid her breathe, i don't know what else to say.
HELLO. it's MURDER we're talking about here.
fuck.

i don't wish to hate any of them.

my sis told me that sheng lao bing si is all part of life and we gotta learn to accept it the way it is.
but. i just can't.
since we have to die one day, why be borne into this world still?
when one goes, he/she leaves behind tons of people who love him/her.
it's really traumatising and upsetting not only for the one who leaves but also, for those left behind.
had been thinking alot about life and death recently.
scares me at times.
and i've also learnt to treasure everyone around me even more.

soon. there are many people who are going to be heartbroken.

it's the final lap already.

i'm not gonna be the last of the race.

watch me sprint.

i no longer have anything to say.
it doesn't matter anymore.
i used to have so much hopes, wishing that we'll still be able to spend quality time together, even after negative events.
but this time round, i've really given up.
i no longer have the niave thoughts anymore.

i feel pained.
right through my heart.
how can a person have such drastic changes within such a short period of time?
it scares me.

right now, i'm no longer angry.
i'm aghast.
words can't describe how dismayed i am.
i won't give a damn anymore.

Happy Birthday to YOU!
Happy Birthday to YOU!
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuu.
Happy Birthday to FIONA! :)

Happy 18th Birthday girl.
nothing much to say.
just want you to be happy.
don't always ponder too much.
just stay optimistic. :)

tata.

oh. glad you like the flowers. :)

i'm so freaking tired.
someone save me.

made a wise decision.
shan't work on 12th Nov.
(who in the right mind will work on that day when he/she has SIX heavy A Level papers on 14th, 15th and 16th Nov repectively?!)
though i was quite tempted by the amount of money earned for the mere three hours, i've decided i'm gonna be a good girl and just stay home and study all the wayyyyyy.

i don't wanna end up in regrets.
i hate the feeling of not doing enough to attain the grades that i yearn for.
therefore, this time round, i'm gonna make sure that i leave nothing out.